It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
She's the barista slut.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
