bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
