Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
