I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
