Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
How naked do you want me to be?
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