escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
She announced her abortion via fbk
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
