Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
