Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
