I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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