She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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