the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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