Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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