listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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