I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
