you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
