My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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