I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
