A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
