"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
