nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
vagina is talking i cant
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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