She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
