also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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