Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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