his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
