I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
