Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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