you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
