All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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