a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
