I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
