dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
