Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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