You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
