Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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