I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
