i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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