She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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