This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
