Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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