he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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