Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
