The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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