fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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