I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
