this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
