hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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