there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
