I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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