I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
