maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
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