My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
