You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
We have started to decorate penises.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
