i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
