i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
barbara walters just said penis...
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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