ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm sobbing to NWA
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
