We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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