tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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