Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
