You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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