We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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