Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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