I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
