I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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