Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
