belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
