"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
