don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
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There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
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Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I need to align my fucking chakras
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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