sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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