I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
